Giving Feedback That Builds, Not Breaks

Brenda Risner
Apr 29
2 min read

Feedback isn't a confrontation— it's a connection.

Why Feedback Feels So Hard

Even the most experienced leaders can hesitate when it comes to giving feedback. It feels personal. Awkward. Risky. And let’s be honest—many of us never saw it done well.

We’ve experienced:

Feedback that feels like an attack
Vague, unhelpful comments
Silence when we needed direction
Or compliments that dodge the real issues

But here’s the truth: Great leaders don’t avoid feedback—they get good at it.

What Feedback Really Is (and Isn’t)

Feedback isn’t about fixing people. It’s about helping them grow. Done well, it’s one of the most powerful tools you have to:

Build trust
Clarify expectations
Support development
Create accountability
Strengthen team culture

It’s not criticism. It’s care in action.

3 Feedback Shifts That Make All the Difference

Want to give feedback that’s honest and helpful? Here are three mindset shifts that can change everything:

1. From Judgment to Curiosity

Instead of thinking, “They’re just not trying hard enough…”

Try this, “What might be getting in the way of their success—and how can I help?”

When feedback starts with curiosity, it becomes a conversation, not a critique.

2. From Dumping to Dialoguing

Feedback isn’t a monologue—it’s a two-way exchange. After sharing your perspective, ask

“How does that land with you?”

“What support would help you move forward?”

Make space for their voice, too.

3. From Ambiguity to Action

Vague feedback leads to vague improvement. Be specific and actionable:

✅ "I'd like to see more clarity in your emails—try outlining three key points and a clear call to action."

vs.

❌ "Your communication could be better."

Clarity is kindness.

The Best Feedback Is Rooted in Relationship

Feedback lands best when it comes from someone who’s earned the right to be heard.

Ask yourself:

Do they know I want what’s best for them?
Have I built a relationship that can handle hard truths?
Am I willing to receive feedback, too?

People don’t grow from feedback they don’t trust.

💬 Reflection Prompt

Think back to the best feedback you’ve ever received—what made it impactful? Now think about a team member who could benefit from that same kind of care. What’s one piece of feedback you could offer this week that builds, not breaks?