The Boundary Blueprint: How to Say No Without Losing Your Heart

Brenda Risner
Jul 8
2 min read

If you're the kind of leader who’s known for being helpful, supportive, and always showing up for others—you’re probably also the kind of leader who’s exhausted.

Sound familiar?

You want to make a difference. You love being the go-to person. You step up, pitch in, and pour out. It’s your superpower. But there’s a shadow side too:

You say “yes” when you don’t have capacity.
You respond immediately because you don’t want to disappoint.
You over-function for the under-functioners on your team (you know the ones).
And sometimes, you quietly resent the very people you’re trying to support.

Let’s just say it out loud: Helpers struggle with boundaries.

The Hidden Cost of Being Helpful

Saying yes all the time doesn’t just deplete your energy—it dilutes your impact. When you overextend, you:

Miss your most meaningful priorities.
Become the bottleneck for your team.
Accidentally teach others to depend on you instead of themselves.

Helpful doesn’t mean available 24/7. Supportive doesn’t mean self-sacrificing. Leadership doesn’t mean saying yes to everything.

So How Do You Set Boundaries Without Feeling Like a Jerk?

Here’s the truth: boundaries aren’t walls—they’re clarity.

Here’s a simple reframe I share with clients:

Boundaries aren’t about keeping people out. They’re about keeping you aligned with what matters most.

Want some starter scripts? Try these:

“I’d love to support you, but I’m not available until [later time]. Would that still help?”
“That’s a great idea—can you take the lead and loop me in if you get stuck?”
“I need to protect some space to focus on [insert priority]. Thanks for understanding.”

And my personal favorite for recovering people-pleasers, “Let me get back to you.” (Which buys you the time to check in with yourself before you say yes.)

Your Energy Is a Leadership Asset. Protect It.

If you’re serious about growing your influence, building a high-performing team, or creating a culture that lasts—your energy, clarity, and capacity matter.

And boundaries are how you make room for the right things, not everything.

If you’ve been saying “yes” too much and feeling the consequences, maybe it’s time for a new strategy. One that lets you lead with heart and health.

You don’t have to carry it all. You just need a better way.